so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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