I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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