he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
