We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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