I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
