Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
