I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
