So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
