i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
