You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
