This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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