Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
