my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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