dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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