his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
