none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
