He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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