I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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