i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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