Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
