can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
