I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
