Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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