Im at strip club and am horny
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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