I just saw a hot homeless man
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
