she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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