Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
