Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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