I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
