my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
