remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
