True but thats because hes a fetus.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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