Need sex. Gaining weight.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
