Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
