Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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