Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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