True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
