does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
