All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
