yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
