omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think my moral compass just broke
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
