see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
