how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
