Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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