Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You are a genius and a whore.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
