my sisters under your porch take her home
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
