Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
