I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
