i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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