Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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