i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We left the knife in your bed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
