How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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