Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
