The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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