508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
