Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
