Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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