my vag is so smooth its legendary
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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